What to say?

What do you say? When you don't know what to say? I can't believe that I finally have nothing to say. I don't believe that my marriage is a total lost. I just don't know how to fix this. As a Christian...you pray. But when do you don't know what to pray? I sick of praying because I don't know how to pray. This isn't all peaches and cream! This is real life. I don't have the Holy Spirit inside, so, how am I to pray. I can't keep on having my children see me like this.

Crying isn't something that I do. How I feel inside ...I felt like this when I was fifteen....when he left before.

I can't keep this inside of me. But what do you do when you can't hold on to this front that you put on. I can't just move on because he is my other half forever when he is hurting I am. I really really need this fix, Lord. Everyday, that he is away. A little piece of me dies because this is the one thing that I didn't want to be a failure at and, I am. I am because I would let out my pride or my feelings but who am I to judge? Who is he to judge?

I just want this to be over and, the kids need him to be back because I just I can't can't live without him. Am I wrong? He is my family and my husband...

It must be my selfishness that's keeping the Holy Spirit from me...